When does the defiance phase occur and how to handle it
The defiance phase is a stage of development that every child goes through. This period can be characterized, among other things, by strong emotions, tantrums, and frequent rejection of authority. For parents, it can often be very challenging. However, the defiance phase is crucial for a child's healthy development. In this article, we will look at when the different defiance phases occur (yes, there are more than one), how to recognize them, and how to manage them calmly and healthily.
When does the defiance phase occur in a child
The first defiance phase usually begins between the first and second year of a child's life and most often lasts from about 18 months to 3 years of age. For some children, it may appear around one year, while for others, it may manifest only after the third year. This period is characterized by the child's increased effort for independence, often manifested by negative behavior such as tantrums, refusal to cooperate, and frequent use of the word "no."
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How long does the defiance phase last?
The defiance phase usually lasts several months to two years, with the most intense manifestations often occurring between the second and third year of a child's age. However, every child is unique, so the length and intensity of this period may vary significantly.
How the defiance phase manifests
The defiance phase varies depending on the child's age. Around one year, the child begins to discover its ability to move independently and communicate, has a limited vocabulary, which can lead to frustration and intense emotional outbursts. Its behavior often manifests in simple rejecting reactions and attempts at small tasks, such as holding a spoon or putting on shoes.
The defiance phase at 2 years
The defiance phase at two years old, sometimes unflatteringly referred to as the terrible twos in English, is a period of intense development of independence and self-awareness. The child starts using words more frequently, but its vocabulary is still limited, which can continue to lead to frustration and tantrums. The child tries to assert its will and tests the boundaries of parents and caregivers. Emotional expressions are intense and often alternate, which can lead to rapid mood swings. Two-year-olds also begin to develop the ability for symbolic thinking, which is reflected in their play and understanding of the world around them.
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The defiance phase at 3 years
At three years old, a child has a more developed vocabulary and better communication skills, allowing for more complex negotiations and further testing of boundaries. Emotions are still intense, but the child controls and expresses them better. The desire for independence is more strongly manifested in decision-making about everyday activities, such as dressing and eating, requiring different handling strategies from parents than with younger children.
The defiance phase at 3 - 4 years
In the fourth year, the defiance phase continues but manifests in different ways. The child already has developed communication skills and can negotiate and argue better. Emotional expressions are still strong, but the child can better manage its feelings and express them in words. Four-year-olds have a strong desire for independence and often try to take control of their daily activities. Conflicts can arise from the child's desire for independence and its need for confirmation from parents. The child also begins to understand social norms and rules better, which can help manage its behavior.
Reasons for the emergence of the defiance phase
Psychologists explain that the defiance phase is a result of brain development and the cognitive abilities of the child. The child begins to be aware of its own self and wants to assert its will. Additionally, its ability to understand and express emotions is changing, which can lead to frustration and subsequent outbursts. The environment and the approach of parents also play a role, who should provide a safe and supportive environment for this development.
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How to manage the defiance phase
We now know that the defiance phase is a completely natural and necessary part of a child's development, reflecting its growing desire for independence and self-determination. And although this period can be challenging for parents, it is important to understand that defiance is a normal and healthy expression of the developmental process, helping the child grow and develop into an independent and confident personality. It is good to be prepared to handle it from a parent's position.
Stay calm and set rules
Managing the defiance phase requires calmness and patience from parents. Children are very sensitive to their parents' emotions, so it is important to stay calm even during tantrums. Consistent and clear rules provide the child with a sense of security and stability, which can reduce the frequency of outbursts. Offering options, such as choosing clothes or toys, allows the child to feel more involved in decision-making and supports its independence.
Listen to and praise the children
Positive reinforcement and praise for good behavior and achievements motivate the child to repeat desirable behavior and increase its self-confidence. Active listening and showing empathy can help the child feel understood and less frustrated. When a situation is about to escalate, it can be helpful to redirect the child's attention to another activity or game. Changing the environment or activity can sometimes prevent a conflict.
Regular routines can help
Predictable daily routines, such as meal, sleep, and playtimes, can help reduce stress and uncertainty, contributing to a sense of security. It is also important to let the child express its feelings, even if they are negative. Allow it to cry or get angry without punishment, and help it find words for its emotions so it learns to express them correctly.
Do not physically punish the children
Avoiding physical punishment is crucial, as it can only worsen the situation and undermine the trust between parent and child. Instead, focus on positive discipline and finding solutions. If you feel that you cannot handle the defiance phase or if the child's behavior exceeds common tantrums, do not hesitate to seek help from a professional, such as a child psychologist or counselor.
Take care of yourself
It is important for parents to find time for themselves, relax, and engage in activities that bring them joy and rest. Quality rest and healthy sleep help restore energy, improve mood, and increase resilience to stressful situations. When a mother is rested and at ease, she is better able to provide a stable and calm environment for the child, contributing to better handling of the challenging defiance phase.
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What to avoid
During the defiance phase, it is easy to slip into exaggerated reactions, such as yelling or physical punishment. However, these methods can lead to further deterioration of the situation and damage the relationship with the child. Ignoring the child's needs or emotions can also worsen the situation. It is important to respect the child's feelings and try to understand them.
When to seek professional help
In some cases, a child's behavior during the defiance phase may be extreme, and parents may feel they cannot manage it. If the child exhibits aggressive behavior, has persistent discipline problems, or there are concerns about its mental health, it is appropriate to seek professional help. A child psychologist can provide valuable advice and strategies for improving the situation.
The defiance phase is important for your child
The defiance phase is an inevitable part of a child's development, bringing a series of challenges but also opportunities for growth and learning. With the right approach, patience, and support, we can help the child overcome this period and emerge stronger and more confident. Remember that every step you take to understand and support your child is a step in the right direction. The defiance phase can be challenging, but with understanding and the right approach, it can be managed and even benefited from.
